It seems to me there's something about the festive season which brings out the worst in people, at least as far as shopping is concerned. I do wonder whether Scrooge might not have had the right idea!
The sight of a very large man at our local supermarket doing his level best to sell an equally huge Christmas tree to a very small man (with no transport) for whom it was obviously too large, and not taking no for an answer, provided the initial inspiration for my #fridayflash for this week, which I'm posting early as I'm not sure how much time I'm going to have over the next few days as the juggernaut that is a family Christmas rolls inexorably towards me.
The Christmas tree seller got me thinking, and I began to wonder what would happen if Santa had a complaints department...
Sent: Friday, December 25, 2009 8:32 AM
Subject: Listen up Santa Claus,
I wanted a bike, not something with paws
Hey Santa Claus, you arsehole,
where's my flamin' bike?
I've been extra good this whole year long
and I told you what I'd like.
The puppy's very nice an' all
but it's shitting on the rug,
and Mum's just shouted, 'Bugger it!'
'cos it's drinking from her mug.
I hope this message reaches you.
It really, really must,
'cos as far as little me's concerned,
There's been a serious breach of trust.
So get your fat red arse in gear,
those bloody reindeers too,
and swap this puppy for my bike,
Really Santa, do!
It's not quite all doom and gloom however, I'm leaving you with my favourite Christmas song of all time, 'Santa's a Scotsman.'
If you enjoy it, please consider buying the MP3, which is available here.
And finally, for those of my readers with young children, don't forget to check out Norad Tracks Santa on Christmas Eve for real time tracking of Santa's progress around the globe.