Thanks for stopping by. I hope you enjoy what you find here. Whilst you may not agree with everything I post, if you respect my right to my opinion I'll respect your right to disagree with it and we should get along just fine. :)

Disclaimer: the views expressed by the characters in these works may not necessarily represent the views of the author. Got that? Good.

Right then, on with the blog...

Saturday, 12 December 2009

#Fridayflash: That Damned Cat!

First off, apologies if the adult language offends, and for this being late. BTW, I am not a poet, so please be gentle!

That Damned Cat!

That cat just tried to kill me,
the damned, flamin' furry thing.
I swear he stuck his foot out,
just to prove that he was king.

And off I went - went flying
down the length of our damned stairs.
He really takes the piss sometimes,
I don't know how he dares.

So here I lie, a' wincing
in a twisted, painfull heap.
But, should I be able to get up,
to make it to my feet...

I'll kill that ruddy cat of mine.
Yes, yes, that's what I'll do.
I'll be wearing catskin slippers,
And I bet you would do, too!



mazzz_in_Leeds said...

I wouldn't kill that damned cat, it appears to be your muse :)

the catskin slippers made me laugh

Anonymous said...

A dog would never do such a thing! This was a fun poem. I hope it didn't come from personal experience! ~Olivia

Laura Eno said...

Good one! But I know that cat will wrap his body around your ankles and you'll forgive him...again.
Glad to see you're feeling better!

phonelady said...

Ho !!! Ho !!!! I love it . too funny . I still think you missed your calling . Thanks for sharing and posting.

Chance said...

Evil cats!!! full of win!!!

Good stuff!

Marisa Birns said...


Based on an earlier picture I saw, the Cat is really a cute little thing.

But I know that beneath that angelic demeanor is That Damned Cat!

Enjoyed your poem and loved the line "I'll be wearing catskin slippers,"

Carrie said...

I've often threatened my fat little friend to do the same. Adorable poem.

Julie (Okami) said...

I love it - who said that you weren't a poet?

Michael Solender said...

completely justifiable - homicide

Anne Tyler Lord said...

OMG! That is sooo funny! I swear my cats do it on purpose sometimes! Out of the entire house to walk in, they have to fly in front of my feet like their life depends on it, tripping me me every time! It is always mysteriously after they don't get what they want from me.

I'm also thinking that a new wallet or fur-lined purse might be nice!

Never say you are not a poet when you write such lovely poems!

Loved it,

dan powell said...

The image of the cat skin slippers made me laugh. Saw them with cat face over the toes of one, a cat's arse over the toes of the other. Comedy verse is always a welcome read.

Cynthia Schuerr said...

Ha! You are a poet. I found myself doing a little dance to the rhythm of your words.
Very Cute!

Deanna Schrayer said...

Sam, it appears you've been spying on me and my cat Niles. She is constantly tripping me up - always underfoot. I think you described the frustration quite well with your poem. Better get out the tuna! :)

Anonymous said...

And no matter HOW we suspect the cat of their crimes, they go unpunished! Damned Cats! :)

Wonderful and fun; I enjoyed it.

Estrella Azul said...

This was fun, great poem!
I admire you for writing poetry, especially cause I never end up with anything good.
A sign or me I guess to just stick to flash fiction ;)

Karen from Mentor said...

"But, should I be able to get up,
to make it to my feet..."

Was my favorite turn of phrase, where was the language? Advertises strong language, advertises not being a poet.....hmmmm....methinks the man doth protest too much...
[grins at you]

This was a fun read.
Thanks for sharing.
Karen :0)

PS Thanks for the retweet of my story too, it was much appreciated!

Jodi MacArthur said...

This is funny. ;) I have one of these fickle creatures. This poem describes cats well.
I swear they do it on purpose, and then they love all over you as if it never happened!

Fun prose here.

Josie said...

Hey, good stuff, I enjoyed that and hope it wasn't based on personal experience.

Reminds me of Tom and Jerry: "Thomas! You Bad Cat!"

Sam said...

Firstly, thank you to everyone who commented. This was my first real attempt at a poem which I felt able to post, that it was so well received may yet spur me on to write another. :)

mazzz - Thanks. You know, I think you might be right - maybe the cat has earned a reprieve.

livloveslit - True! Sadly yes, there is an element of truth to the poem.

Laura Eno - Thank you Laura, looks like your advice paid off. Oh yes, you're right about the cat earning my forgiveness.

phonelady - Thanks. Glad you enjoyed the poem.

Chance - Cheers!

Marisa Birns - I'm pleased you enjoyed the poem. I have to admit that is my favourite line too.

Carrie - Thanks.

Julie (Okami) - Thank you. I don't usually write poetry, unless the inspiration is upon me I'm usually rubbish at it.

Michael Solender - ROFL!!!

Anne Tyler Lord - Thank you Anne. See, you're a cat owner too so you know exactly what I'm talking about! ;)

dan powell - LMAO!!! Yes Dan, but knowing me, I'd trip over the tail and end up down the bottom of the stairs again!

Cynthia Schuerr - Thank you, very kind of you to say so. :)

Deanna Schrayer - And there was me thinking I was the only one with a slightly psychotic cat! ;)

jdanetyler - Oh yes! Cats are wonderful at avoiding justice! ;)

Estrella Azul - Thanks. Neither can I usually, I'm still not sure what happened this time, the poem just popped into my head. I think it's worth you having a go too. :)

Karen from Mentor - Thank you Karen, that's very kind of you. As for protesting too much, you may be right, though in my defence, when I posted the poem I wasn't really sure how it would be received as I can't usually manage to string rhymes together very well. I suspect this may have been a one off, though I do have another idea in the works for Christmas week.

Jodi MacArthur - Yes, they do, don't they? And they have such a wonderful way of escaping the consequences through downright cuteness!

Josie - Thanks. As I mentioned above, there is an element of personal experience behind my words here, though in truth, I'm not really sure it was entirely pre-meditated on the cat's part.

Chadwick said...

So much cat trauma this Friday.

Do the slippers shed?

Sam said...

Chadwick - Thanks for your comment. I'd imagine they would shed, so not a solution for that perennial problem! ;)

Tony Noland said...

Funny poem, Sam! Cat slippers, eh? I could do with a pair.

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